Got Nothin'

I'm sitting here in the Redeye thinking of some profound thing to write, but I've got nothing. Other than a couple of compelling conversations today, my mind is saturated to the point of being inoperable. I need a Sabbath from my situation. I need to press pause and chill out.

Driven to Live the Message...

"When God invades man's consciousness, man's reliance on 'peace and security' vanishes from every nook of his existence. His life as a single whole becomes vulnerable. Broken down are the bulkheads between the chambers which confine explosions to one compartment. When God chooses man, He invests him with full responsibility for total obedience to an absolute demand." Paul Minear

"Persecution drives the persecuted to live very close to their message -- they simply cling to the gospel of Jesus and thus unlock its liberating power." Alan Hirsch

How can we live identify and enliven that absolute message of Jesus so it not just resonates with our souls, but become our thoughts, feelings, words and actions? That my will is the as Jesus'.

I wonder if only persecution cultivates such loyalty to Jesus, or can sheer passion and desire also shape our identity? Whatever it is, there is a gap between the unadulterated story of Jesus, and the rhythm by which our lives move. This interaction sometimes sings in key, but loses its tone in many areas of our lives. How do we stay on mission? I don't believe it is one person's will that initiates the movement, but a few who sacrificially live.

I look to our group and see mini-persecutions abounding (not to minimize real persecution around the world). Are we breaking in such a way that empowers God's creating force to shape us? Will we tuck away and try to discern our own agendas without regard for the voice of community? Is the message of persecution for one, or for all?

These are just questions that are streaming through my mind. Comment if you wish...

Change...

I shared some of our thoughts and struggles with a friend. She offered me this piece of hers to help me put words to my situation.

It is difficult to think down here. Living my life with eyes unfocused, and never learning to live with this malady, keeps me bumping in to the same old furniture even though I should know where it is... where it's always been.

She walks through her apartment like a person newly blind, bumping into furniture thats always been there. She is drunk, but it's more than that. It is her unwillingness to see. Her blatant disregard to change herself has become a blindness of the mind. She is capable of seeing what is wrong, but lacks the resolve to change it. Bruised shins are easier than effort. She lives the easy life and wears long pants.

Alternative Story...

"Ivan Illich was once asked what he thought was the most radical way to change society; was it through violent revolution or gradual reform? He gave a careful answer. Neither. Rather, he suggested that if one wanted to change society, then one must tell an alternative story." Alan Hirsch

I have been yearning to be a part of an alternative story, somehow thinking that the local church will generate a compelling narrative that breaks through our current culture and captivates us. My struggle, as well as my brokenness, leads me to believe that the establishment is unable to generate something profoundly new. Perhaps this is my cynicism, but many believe this to be true.

So how do you tell a new, alternative story? Do we, I believe that there is something new that is worth saying? How do we cultivate that expression and invite others on the journey? How do we break free from the trappings of our church mentality, and create an expression of holy gathering that is profoundly new?

"See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:19

Covenant Community?

Was Friday night the exception or the expectation? Friday night was a time when you all came and heard my fragmented telling of my Milwaukee experience. While still wrestling and processing this trip, I felt if nothing more, it was a time of gathering and prayer. But are we challenging each other to grow, prayer, and create ideas? I have to say, I am not being challenged.

We have prayed for a dangerous pursuit; we know it is going to be hard. But every time we initiate something, we fail to follow through. If we believe in the spiritual, then we will know that there persistent distractions that are vying for our attention. Powerful forces that are trying to disrupt the very unity we are called to create. So being passive and silent is going to be much easier than being active and vocal. We are going to have to fight to make the rhythms of our lives beat to a different song, and it is going to be hard.

Shouldn't we share our insights and difficulties with great regularity? Shouldn't we pray with each other and for each other as though we depend on it? Shouldn't we challenge each other, encourage each other, and hold one another accountable? Shouldn't we be eager to generate thought and ideas for all new and continuing dialogue?

So what does it mean to be a covenant community? Let me suggest that it is not so much of an "all for one, and one for all" mentality. But a time when we unite to sharpen our faculties to see, hear, and sense the movements of God. A community in covenant will gain much greater clarity than we ever will alone, believing that there is a reason why we are together now, if nothing less than to prepare each of us for the impending future that is rapidly approaching.

I covenant with you to read the Bible and our books daily, pray for each of you daily and pray with you as often as we can, write daily, comment as often as I am prompted. I will do these things because I believe they will draw me and us closer to the heart and mind of God, and I owe it to God to be at my best for this next venture in life. Without making this sound like a benign altar call...who's in?

Dormant Faith...

I'm reading the Bible again...let me clarify. I am reading the Bible again and allowing it to disrupt my life, dismantle my plan, and develop my identity. In a repentant way I need to seek forgiveness from the Almighty, for I have read out of obligation and not out of the passionate pursuit.

This afternoon, as I was driving home, I felt an inordinate amount of fear for the future. I am traveling trying to discern my call and all the while scared that as the truth is revealed that my level of fear would increase. I fear the following...having to make a choice; having no choice to make; stagnancy; rapid motion. There is no reason to my fear other than it is prominent everywhere. So in my reflection of these disjointed thoughts, I simply asked the question of myself thinking it was a basic 101 question... "Do I have faith?" That question wrecked me!

I looked through the past several years trying to take in the highlights of a faith lived out, and other than moving and fatherhood, the highlights are minimal. As I process this phase of life I am in, I have to say with grave disappointment, my faith is dormant. It has not been aroused or prompted to grow with any regularity or purpose. As one who has made a living dispensing the word of God for monetary gain, I have spent a majority of the recent past talking of something I have very little experience living. How can this be?!

How can the organism of the church put to sleep the only thing that should matter in me? How can I, a spiritual formation person, allow my knowledge about faith consume my thirst for living in faith?

So my disgust stews, my anger boils, and my frustration continues. I think I am supposed to look forward to my growth, but have no real understanding why. I have to learn again about faith with hopes that it will leave a lasting impression that empowers the continual quest. I am scared, ill-equipped...but have no other choice.

Only a whisper...

There was a dream that was Rome. I can only whisper of it now. Anything more than a whisper and the dream vanishes. It's so... fragile. The true glory of Rome is in a very fragile idea. Imagine a place devoted to the rights of the citizen. Where every free man has a voice. That was the dream... And I fear it will not survive the winter.
--Gladiator

I think this describes our conversations. Each of us is careful to shout our dreams or even surrender to them. But at this point, we need to examine how this "dream" fits into a realistic transistion. Which city is going to partner with us? What must we do to provide for our families? Or how do we find meaning in potentially temporary jobs while actively pursuing the "third place"?
It is time to develop this whisper among us. Soon we will need to be able to talk about it and share its hope with others. Let's focus on the dream. How does community embody it? What about this dream can be applicable to multiple cities and people? The beliefs and vitals are important, now we must shape/define what "it" is in a transferable way.